April - Cesarean Awareness Month - My Story
Being vulnerable and sharing our stories can help someone else avoid having to experience some of the same challenges that we’ve faced. Though I am still processing my cesarean (c-section) that occurred almost 10 years ago, I hope that by me sharing my story, it can help someone else in the world prepare themselves when deciding to give birth in a hospital setting. I must mention that I did take a childbirth education class during my pregnancy and thought that I was pretty prepared for what I was about to experience.
In December 2010, I was being induced after going 10 days over my estimated due date and I was excited to finally be starting the process that will end with my baby boy, Christopher, in my arms. I was admitted to the hospital in the evening and settled into my hospital room without difficulty and surprisingly; I wasn’t nervous or feeling anxious about the “unknown” that labor and birth presents. I was given a dose of a cervical ripening agent after about an hour and was going to try and rest. My partner was there with me to be my support person if and when needed. I was checked by the nurse every few hours to check my dilation and to receive antibiotics for Group-Beta Strep (GBS). The only thing I had trouble with during the night was falling asleep. The lights were off and it was quiet, other than hearing the monitors in my room, but I needed something to help me sleep. The nurse suggested Morphine and without any hesitation I agreed. I didn’t feel any contractions at all. I progressed pretty regularly throughout the night and at around 7am the next morning, I requested an epidural. Now, I know you’re probably wondering if I was in pain or what prompted me to ask for the epidural. My honest answer is, I wanted the epidural because I was 7cm dilated and from what I saw and heard about birth, I knew it was going to get really real at some point and I wanted to have the epidural before all of the discomfort started.
The epidural placement went well, with the exception of my partner almost passing out after seeing the needle that was going to be used. After it was placed, I was still pretty comfortable, but now I was numb from the waist down and I had to pee. I asked the nurse if I could go to the bathroom and she asked if I could walk and I couldn’t lift my legs at all. I asked her if I could crawl because I did not want to have a catheter placed. What I didn’t know or remember from my childbirth education class or the information that was explained to me when I consented to have the epidural was that once you get an epidural you can’t get out of bed and you’d have a catheter placed to empty your bladder. The catheter was placed and about an hour later the nurse returned to let me know my baby’s heart rate was fluctuating and that she was going to give me a shot to stop my contractions and see if that helps his heart rate stabilize. Sadly it didn’t help at all and right away a male doctor came into my room who I had never met before introduced himself and said he was going to break my water to see if that would bring me to 10cm and I could begin pushing. I agreed to this and waited for him to tell me what could happen next. My water was broken and there were signs of meconium, which means my baby had a bowel movement. Immediately, he stated we had to go into the operating room for a c-section. I began crying at this point and was so scared. I didn’t want to have a c-section, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I felt like I couldn’t say no, what if something happened to my baby. As I was wheeled down the hall, I began to focus my attention to meeting my baby and thinking about how he’d look. This helped calm me down a little. At first, I was in the operating room alone, and was so happy when I was finally reunited with my partner by my side. The surgery started pretty quickly and after about 20 mins, my baby boy was born. I remember seeing his beautiful bright eyes looking around so alert just seconds after being born. I was able to get a short look at him and then he was taken over to a warmer to be cleaned off. My partner didn’t get to hold our son until we were all in the recovery room about an hour later. In the recovery room, they tried to get me to hold him, but I didn’t feel comfortable because I was shaking from the anesthesia. The first hour that my baby was born, he didn’t get any skin to skin with either of his parents. When I did finally hold him, it was the best moment of my life. At that moment, nothing mattered! He was finally in my arms and I was able to stare right into his eyes. I attempted to breastfeed him, but felt so inexperienced. I didn’t know anyone who breastfed and I had learned only a little bit about the benefits of breastfeeding. I was eager to try. I am so thankful for the lactation personnel at the hospital who attempted to help us with latching, but ultimately I was only able to pump and bottle feed for the first month of his life before switching to formula.
If you have gotten this far, I am sure you have a few questions or an opinion about how my son’s birth ended. After his birth, I really felt like my body had failed and that I was robbed from having the most amazing birth. Truthfully, none of those things are true. I am stronger because of this experience! I learned firsthand how important it is to educate yourself when planning a pregnancy and also how crucial it is to have experienced support people in your corner to help you with breastfeeding. This birth has given me so much purpose and passion when it comes to helping birthing people and their families navigate this process. Birth is so unpredictable and I believe it is in your best interest to be fully aware of your options when it comes to prenatal care, nutrition, overall wellness, labor and birth. I hope that reading this story gives you a push to do your research and to educate yourself on this topic if you are planning to become a parent.